We should be sitting together, you and I. I would have made you the coffee you like and drink in one go. Then we would blow a cigarette and complain about the neighbour’s loud music and the heat, and then you would ask me about the big cat “I haven’t seen him for a while. I think he might have some kittens somewhere, and that he is mostly away to take care of them.”
Mother doesn’t remember, that boy cats don’t take care of kittens. It has mostly been girl cats around, so she only remembers cats being away for a while before they show up suddenly with an army of kittens.
I remember once, the happiness I felt when our house cat at the time, visited us in the kitchen with six kittens, running after her.
We are happy, my mother and I. We watch the cat’s everyday. A little yellow intruder that thinks I am his mother and a big half ugly white male, entertain us with there periodically cat fights. “Hold on, I just want to stay a little longer to see the cat fight” my nephew waits and my brother stays, for the next cat attack. We are all happy watching the cats.
It’s Sunday here and there. I have to go and dig up some jumpers and you are probably laid half naked on your bed. Because of the heat, you choose to stay inside. You have your TV on and when you hear voices outside (probably your son), you pack yourself in a towel and show your yellow hair at the door, to see who is visiting you.
I miss my plate beside yours on front of the TV, the after dinner cigarette and following siesta, our soap operas every night before bed, embroidering together in silence or interrupted by the neighbour.
Our practical situation has just inverted. I am your mother and you are my child. The difference is that I let you smoke and play all day when I don’t boss you around.
All your life, you had the child in you. I have clear memories of you jumping with your boobs up and down like a little girl, making the teenagers look like adults. This memory is one of the precious ones. I loved to watch you, when you behaved in a silly way. With you I learned how to save the child in me. I just hope that when I behave silly, I am as funny as you.
I tell every body that I am taking care of you. But the truth is another. With you, I am learning how to live more in the moment.
Surprisingly, you are taking care of me in a way nobody else could. Then I am your child again. Learning from you about happiness in a simple life.
I will be with you in a “moment” before you forget I exist.
Back in the nest, taking care of you taking care of me.